The Conversation Chronicles: Sign of the Times

me, answering my cell phone: hello.

some chick: hi, is this milla?

me: yes it is.

some chick: hi, milla. this is Amanda calling [from that agency that sometimes gets you freelance work, but is doing a lousy job of finding you anything lately.] do you have a minute to talk?

me, getting excited about the possibility of new freelance work: SURE! I CAN TALK!

Amanda: great. we’re doing our yearly check-in with all our freelancers and i just wanted to give you a call to see how things were going with you.

me: things are good. i still have my full-time day job, but i’m always looking for proofreading assignments i can work from home on weeknights and weekends. has anything like that opened up?

Amanda: not lately, but i’ll keep an eye out for you. i was also wondering how things were going in your current company, if you guys have any openings you need filled.

me: i doubt that we do. we just had a big round of layoffs so i don’t think they are hiring right now.

Amanda: oh, ok. well, maybe i can add your email to receive our weekly newsletter that has a list of all our available freelancers, and if you hear of any openings that might match the skill sets of the people on the list, you can let me know. does that sound ok?

me: ummm, not really. i don’t work in human resources so i’m not at all responsible for the hirings and firings that go on at my company. i don’t think i can help you with that one.

Amanda: maybe you can forward the newsletter to everyone you know who’s looking for talent. how about that?

me: i don’t know anyone looking for talent. the people i know are all looking for jobs.

Amanda: yeah, i wish we had more we could offer, but business around here has been slow. so if you hear of any opening at all, please let me know, ok?

me: will do, though this is definitely a first. usually i’m the one calling you guys for work, not the other way around.

The Conversation Chronicles: Cute Dog Videos

Me: can i show you a cute dog video i found on the internet today?

Mo stares at me blankly.

Me: what? you got something against cute dogs?

Mo: that should be your next conversation chronicle. write “Milla to Mo: can i show you a cute dog video?” and then don’t write anything else. just leave it at that.

Me: so... do you want to see it? it’s really, really cute.

Mo: yeah, OK.

The Conversation Chronicles: The Jerk Off

background: Mo and i are at my parents’ house on new year’s day to eat their food and exchange gifts. Mo has just opened his gift from my parents, a pretty nice sweater they bought him while they were in Israel a few weeks earlier. he turns to thank my ma.

Mo: wow, thanks. this is a great sweater, Ida. i will definitely wear it.

Ma: really?

Mo: yeah. it’s a terrific gift. thank you. it’s really great. i mean that.

Ma: do you mean that or are you just jerking me off?

Me: wow, maaa! did you really just say that?

Ma: well sometimes i can’t tell if he’s kidding or being serious.

Me: but you just asked him if he was jerking you off.

Ma: yeah, i did. so what?

Me:: so nothing. it’s pretty cool.

The Conversation Chronicles: Monday Night Television

me: what are you watching?

Mo: it’s this documentary on the second world war.

me: oh. ok, i’m going to go lie down in bed and read.

Mo: why don’t you watch some of it with me?

me: i don’t really like watching that type of thing.

Mo: why not?

narrator voice booms from the tv set: ...the nazis stepped up their cruelty and used increasingly sadistic measures in their quest to exterminate the jews.